Illegally Blonde

Streaks are no comparison. One should never go half the distance and then turn back. My attempt at a poem below attempts (too much attempting) to highlight the upsides to becoming blonde.

General Disclaimer.
This poem is in no way directed toward anything living or dead. All characters are fictional and registered trademarks and property of Hupkido Inc.

Illegally Blonde…

Dying could have been painful,
Had it gone all wrong
O but it was worth it
Now she’s illegally blonde

Whether legally or illegally is of little consequence
For in both one must promise to forego all sense
Yes, for that is an attribute all blondes must do without
For then they’d have no reason to sing and prance about

And throw those pointless tantrums, theatrics perhaps
That in turn, result in rather costly mishaps.

It is of miniscule importance that they once had a marvellous brain
Once blonde my dearest sweetheart, you must flush it down the drain

Tis’ a prerequisite, for them to be exquisite
The dye has been cast, tis’ time to have a blast

Swing your partner from door to door
Out of the picture he may go,
Into the limelight you shall appear
And with a hanky wipe that tear.

A damsel’s heart, feign doth appear
Worn away by wear and tear
Its give and take with everyone
That is I suppose, how the tale is spun.

That last line didn’t make much sense,
But only to those under false pretence
For they have vowed never to understand
They sit there expressionless, hand on hand.

But how men’s heart, leap at their very sight
Without those locks, we’d get a fright
But a toast to all those, aspiring to be blonde
Waiting shall be us blokes, well built and strong

Hear my words, consider them no less that an urgent SOS
Become blonde at the earliest, beautify that knotty mess…

My words are a tribute, dedicated only to the blonde
Therefore not for me, but for them please applaud.